Judgement Day
The Judge looked up from a large red volume he had been periodically glancing at all through the trial, lowered his bifocals and squinted at the complainant.
“By your own admission he hit you after you persistently offered to buy his ass?”
“Yes, Your Honor.”
“And from your testimony you believe that may be he had felt insulted and dehumanized by your offer?”
“Yes, Your Honor.”
“But then you filed for compensation and damages after the fact?”
“Yes, Your Honor.”
“Would it please you to tell court how many times you offered to buy his ass?”
“Must have been like five, Your Honor.”
“And each time he said no?”
“Yes, Your Honor.”
“What made you insist then?”
“Your Honor, that man has the best ass in the village.”
A smattering of laughter. Gavel bangs. Court goes quiet.
“Does it not seem incongruous to you, being a man of the cloth, to go begging to buy the ass of a married man?”
“No, Your Honor. We live in a free market economy.”
“Did you know that by law you cannot force anyone to sell their property or self?”
“Yes, Your Honor. That`s why I offered to buy.”
“Your Honor, if I may please have my witness back for cross?”
“Of course, but one last question.”
“Of course Your Honor, it is your court.”
“How much did you offer to buy his ass for?”
“One thousand in two installments…”
“What? One thousand shillings for a …give me a reason not to dismiss with costs?”
“With all due respect Your Honor, the complainant should be given due process first.”
“Your Honor,” interrupts the complainant. “It was a thousand dollars, half down and the second half after a week.”
“And he turned you down? I know men selling theirs for a fifth of the down payment! It can`t be tighter than mine; hell you can have mine!”
“Your Honor,” the Defense retorts, “we are talking about a donkey here and no offense to you and your ilk but it is gross discussing your business in public in a society like ours.”
“Oh.”
The flowing robes rose, banged the gavel and left the courtroom. The next anybody heard of him he was in Zambia appearing in the news for marrying a man half his weight, twice his age and four times richer.
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